Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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