i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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