you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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