I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
