forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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