My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
