Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
