I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
