1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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