do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize