i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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