He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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