No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
