His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
then he tried to convert me to islam
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
