I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
