Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize