I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize