i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
