remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
