I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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