Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
