My Higher Power is John Stamos
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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