her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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