Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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