I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
