My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
