If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
