Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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