Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
