You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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