tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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