Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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