So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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