just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
