I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
where are you?
Hypothermia
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
