I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
