I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
