u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
