How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
