I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
