My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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