um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He passed out mid-signature
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize