White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I FOUND THE LEGS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
