is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
