The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
