Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
