hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
