just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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