mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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