i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
