So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize