he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am one with the molecules
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize