I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
