I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
