As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
