This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
