I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
