I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
