all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize