You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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