Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
