He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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