Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
